Missing beach so bad. Although my last experience was validated that I'm really bad at swimming, moreover in the ocean. But I still missed moments where I can feel the breeze, waves, small creatures in intertidal zones, even sands that left in my sandals. If it's like 10 years ago, I'll be more missing my friends or college fellows and moments when we were together, even 2 or more hours moments on the way to the beach.

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I already reached the age that makes me felt lonely, bcs a lot if ppl at my ages in my country send their invitation or photo of their weddings, or photos of their 1st or 2nd child Kalo masih bulan lalu beda lagi ceritanya. Masalahnya I'm surrounded by people who're ready and already prepared to be married, dimana gua adalah manusia tertua di circle terbaru ini.  Padahal sebelum ini biasa aja, ngga tau ya kenapa vibesnya jadi berubah, sekarang² pingin nyanyi lonely... I feel so lonely, I have nobody.... Wkwk 😄😢. Tapi, gua yakin Allah pasti mempertemukan atau bisa juga gua mati duluan si, tapi tetep aja, gua yakin Allah pasti akan memberikan yang terbaik diwaktu yang tepat. Walaupun gua sama sekali belom bisa mencium aroma-aroma kapannya.  Nda apa-apa kalo teman² disekitar gua udah punya, mau dengan cara yg ma'ruf atau pacaran atau apalah, yang pasti, gua ngga boleh ikut²an. Allah udah memahamkan untuk ngga menyentuh hal² yang memang ngga dibolehkan. Ujian itu emang melati...
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Dull

It's not like I have a metal heart, it's not like it is numb and I don't feel anything. I do fall from time to time, I do like someone, and these days aren't the exceptions.  It's just not proper in my opinion to express my interest moreover romantically toward someone.  Because I don't know who actually destined to be with me *if death doesn't come first*. So this feeling is worthless. You can't let loves grow toward any people, it's sucks if he's actually not my destiny. So in my case, I'm just not gonna let my feelings grow except the time when it's halal to do so. Isn't it easier that way?  Well going through it doesn't as easy as it sounds. I do feel brokenhearted, it is not easy to stop your feeling. But trust me, time will heal. It's okay if it feels hurt today, one day you'll realize that those feelings are temporary. 
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Something to pursue

I've got something on my bucketlist that I might gonna pursue.  Bikin tempat makan dengan space yang besar di Jabodetabek.  Mungkin sebagai baby step akan merencanakan untuk jual makanan online. This morning, I wondering why is it so hard to keep coming to Majlis Ilmu. Mungkin azam gua memang kurang kuat untuk datang ke majelis ilmu, tapi pas tinggal di Jogja senang je.  Alhamdulillah di Jogja setiap hari selalu ada kajian. Saat sulit datang ke yang jauh, ada kajian di masjid dekat kos. Saat lagi futur, ada kajian dengan bahasan tematik dan ringan tapi tetap ngena. Saat ngga ingat Allah, ada teman yg selalu ngajak ke kajian (si Ubi), Alhamdulillah.  Kalau jarak ke tempat kajian dekat atau agak jauh biasanya gua naik sepeda atau jalan kaki. Kalau lagi sama si Ubi dan tempatnya agak jauh, ada 2 orang baik yang jadi tempat kita buat pinjam motor hehe. Kalau ngga dapet, kadang gua naik sepeda dan si Ubi naik gojek. Setelah kita dapet ilmu tentang ikhtilat, si Ubi bahkan ...
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