Consideration

Baru kelar nonton drakor wkwk, skip season sebelumnya lanjut ikutin yg release taun ini ajalah hehe. Even tho our approach in pursuing relationship a whole world different, but I think people have some similar consideration. 

Well that drama got me thinking about that last proposal I've got this year. If Yumi thought that it was about the timing, in my case I think timing isn't the first thing to think of, purpose is. Kak Tita said "masa kesemsem tuh paling bertahan berapa lama sih?", you definitely need a bigger purpose to start a bigest change in your life. 

If it's just about sensation of butterfly on your tummy, I think it's easy, just lower your guard down a little bit, and I think you might fall in a trap.

But this is about a long sailing journey with one person for the rest of your life. You gotta make sure you both have the same destination, conscious about each other role and responsibility, and also make sure you both ready for the upcoming storms and keep on survive while still on the track, pursuing that same destination. Well he actually convinced me about one thing, but unfortunately I can't see a clear map, the way of life and destination for this journey. I like that idea that he'll respect my desire, and will supports me with what he can. But it looks like you've got a fancy and proper lifeboat, but forgot the map and the destination. Well I still holding on to that one saying, it's better being "late" in relationship than "got it wrong" in one. 

And no, it doesn't mean that he's wrong. I think it's my flaw, I do think that not everyone can handle it. And leaning on just from attraction would never help that long, just like what I observed. 

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I already reached the age that makes me felt lonely, bcs a lot if ppl at my ages in my country send their invitation or photo of their weddings, or photos of their 1st or 2nd child Kalo masih bulan lalu beda lagi ceritanya. Masalahnya I'm surrounded by people who're ready and already prepared to be married, dimana gua adalah manusia tertua di circle terbaru ini.  Padahal sebelum ini biasa aja, ngga tau ya kenapa vibesnya jadi berubah, sekarang² pingin nyanyi lonely... I feel so lonely, I have nobody.... Wkwk 😄😢. Tapi, gua yakin Allah pasti mempertemukan atau bisa juga gua mati duluan si, tapi tetep aja, gua yakin Allah pasti akan memberikan yang terbaik diwaktu yang tepat. Walaupun gua sama sekali belom bisa mencium aroma-aroma kapannya.  Nda apa-apa kalo teman² disekitar gua udah punya, mau dengan cara yg ma'ruf atau pacaran atau apalah, yang pasti, gua ngga boleh ikut²an. Allah udah memahamkan untuk ngga menyentuh hal² yang memang ngga dibolehkan. Ujian itu emang melati...
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Dear Jogja

Jogja, belum ditinggal udah kangen aja. Hehe~ Lagi seneng muter-muter jogja nih, mumpung lagi dapet pinjeman motor. Atau naik TJ, muter-muter tanpa tujuan -> ini beneran asik cuy, even if you're alone. Take a deep breath of jogja's air *tapi jangan pas deket jalan raya juga, bau kendaraan yang ada wqwq*. Masuk ke jalan-jalan yang ngga pernah dilewatin *always make sure gua bawa hape dengan paket data*. Haaah, I'm gonna miss you jogja, masih punya waktu sebulan lebih dijogja nih. Udah bikin wacana jalan sama orang-orang, dan tetap berakhir menjadi sebuah wacana. Semoga yang kepantai beneran jadi yak. Udah setaun euy ngga mantai, bener-bener defisiensi vitamin sea nih. Sampe suka sedih kalo liat foto pantai 😢. Hehe,,, gua ingin menyerap energimu jogja, just wait, insya Allah 😆. Ana uhibbuka fillah, dear jogja.
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Life these days

I wonder, if I'm with you now, is this life gonna be easier. Life felt way too hard these days, as if I can't hold myself back together. I always thought life will be easier tomorrow, then I found myself laughing in a tragedy, where actually sadness is all over the place, but hope is in the corner. Again, I never thought if I allowed to cry in front of people.  Nope, it felt different this time, I kept thinking about what palestinian people said in so many video, "Hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakiil". Cry, hug, telling someone about it might make it easier, but it's not what it is. "you" Are not the answer in this moment, but "Him" Is the actual answer. I think about how my brother not in the position to help me back then. But I also think about how easy I got to the sidewalk, while a life threatening moment could be happened, how coincidentally there were bapak gocar who check on me, how abang² starling pointing out my motor-belt was broken and g...
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