Sabr

Katanya pahala sabar itu tak terhingga. Pahala orang puasa itu spesial langsung dari Allah,  karena kita bersabar terhadap apa yg sebenernya dihalalkan dalam kurun waktu yg ditentukan. My sister told me and Mama about pahala sabr things, and encourage us that we must be granted with a huge amount of pahala if we can do sabr with certain calamities that we've been encountered this past years. 

If I thought about it, well I'm certainly doing it badly. Being stuck in this situations is such a huge burden and tremendously hard. Just look at how our character change drastically. Last time, Mama can't hold her tears and cried loudly though I almost never saw her cried even once before. I did moved into a room with a door lock, and my lil bro also prefer lock in his own room as much as I do. This house doesn't feel safe lately, so we do what we do now. 

But thinking it as a qadr from Allah somehow sedikit membesarkan hati. Jalani aja dulu kali ya, sebenernya we expected to do our best si, walaupun buat stay sane aja agak sulit kadang. Now I felt that what ustadzah Tika said a lot lot more relatable, and I think one of its hikmah is that I'm doing more thinking now, what state I'm in, being more honest with what I felt, while I'm never taking notes and name what I felt before and stayed sok kuku. With this month ended, Imma stop yapping in this blog and start to plan and learn possible options of this life. 

Sometimes I hope this life ended right away, tapi sahabat yg meninggal belakangan katanya punya lebih banyak kesempatan untuk menyiapkan bekal dan masuk surga duluan, walaupun sahabat satunya lagi, beliau lebih soleh dan mati syahid duluan. Walaupun I'm still not a fan of this life, ganbarimasho ka?!