2025 start journaling

I think, I'm just gonna do the journaling to make up my mind, because talking to a friend is not an easy thing as we get older. I don't really have a friend, if she's the one that intensely keep in touch with. Friends in my life are those who I met or contact when it is a time to do so. Pretty complicated but, low maintenance friendship is all we need as we getting old. I don't feel right to tell them my problems, and I don't think that it is easy to tell them what I feel, so I'm doing an easier work, that is to write them all. 

If it's an update of me, it's me getting another allergic reaction. Well I have oversensitive immune system since I was a child. making it so hard to put socks and shoes. But teachers back then didn't want to understand, and we also couldn't pick up some of those scientific and medical reason, so in some season, I came home with itchy and hurting feet with socks sticking with infected skin and I had no idea how could I manage it back then. My mom said me and my sister got those blisters from eating high protein food like fishes and eggs. I dunno what exactly is, but it might running within this family. 

I'm glad that I don't had those reaction as I grew up. But I'm having overreacted immune system these days that causing me for having eczema and dyshidrotic eczema on both palms and feet. But still alhamdulillah, this reaction isn't as severe as I was a kid, that little I still remember the discomforts I was having at that time. 

And also, this week my sister recommend me to work in her city. I'm glad tho if I'm really accepted. Because things in my house getting so much ugly recently. But if I see the other way, I've becoming stronger somehow. Being bullied by my brother, I can act strong and not scared of him so I don't look like an easy target. All woman in this house get bullied and get screamed on. Some of our furniture and tools are broken because of him. 

Maybe my mother told my sister, so I can get out from home. And about my relationship with my mother, we still learn not to insult each other, even though we still made it intentionally or unintentionally. And I really put my effort in having a good term with her. Now I know why we got so much reward to be kind toward our parents, because it isn't easy to do so. And those things that happened to me really train me to have a bigger heart and become stronger. Although sometimes I'm kinda scared we somehow get hurt physically in this house, and this also a reason to think seriously about marriage *or maybe I'm just trying to find a reason to get a change of daily routine. I'm seeing a reason why my sisters got married so soon. I was away from home most of times, and this jobless state really told me so many things. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal. 

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