Wandering

I dunno if it's just my hallucinations or assumptions or maybe it is a path that I'm searching for. For me this life really feels like an open ocean, but I don't really have a destination to berthed to. I don't know when it began, or maybe from the very start I don't really set my goal as everyone did. I believe the major that I took is my takdir, but not mindfulnessly. Everyone is working with their all when it comes to their goal. Maybe I played around too much. As a diver who dives the ocean and was told to take a pearl oyster, but instead he wandering around, amazed with the beauty of the ocean, until his oxygen tank almost empty and come back with empty hand. That describe my life almost exactly. I think I don't really had a goal or a dream anymore, that also made me think that my life is useless and there's no difference between the fact that I'm alive or I'm gone. 

But some people these year remind me that I do might have something useful. Maybe what I learned can be applied into something. Maybe I can start to set a goal one more time. Maybe I can go to my mom's hometown and start something. I don't know, if some other things strengthen this assumption, I might took this path for another year to see if it can makes me alive. If it strengthens the objection to living this life, my iman. Maybe to fill a hole in my ruuh. 


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