(Dreamer)

If I reflected from story of Adam and Hawa who descended from heaven, separated for years, or the story of Musa who took a flee from the country, even though before he lives in the palace, or the story of three sahaba who didn't join the war with no excuses. They all have something in common, they're done the wrongdoing, then repent to Allah and Allah accepted their tauba, and they're got tested by Allah, either it was descended from the heaven, or being chased by the authorities with no money, no home or whatsoever, or people was banned from talking to them for more than a month until Allah accepted their tauba.  We're not suppose to take wrongdoings lightly, and the point of repentance is that you really mean it, not a slight Astaghfirullah without any remorseful in it. Allah tested us to see if our iman is true. And don't just see the test itself, Allah prepare something better after the storm. Can you felt the relief from three sahaba who was been forgiven and t...

I dunno if it's just my hallucinations or assumptions or maybe it is a path that I'm searching for. For me this life really feels like an open ocean, but I don't really have a destination to berthed to. I don't know when it began, or maybe from the very start I don't really set my goal as everyone did. I believe the major that I took is my takdir, but not mindfulnessly. Everyone is working with their all when it comes to their goal. Maybe I played around too much. As a diver who dives the ocean and was told to take a pearl oyster, but instead he wandering around, amazed with the beauty of the ocean, until his oxygen tank almost empty and come back with empty hand. That describe my life almost exactly. I think I don't really had a goal or a dream anymore, that also made me think that my life is useless and there's no difference between the fact that I'm alive or I'm gone.  But some people these year remind me that I do might have something useful. May...

Ngerasa ngga si, sejak timeline dipenuhi sama berita genosida saudara-saudara kita di Palestina dan Libanon, kadang pas lagi aktivitas apapun itu, jadi suka zooming out. Sometimes you even feel bad for having a good meal, having good time on your own or with your loves one, smiling and laughing with children, it's all happens because you remember that devastating documentation that you saw in social media. It's so hard to witness those horrible scenes even just from our screen.  Imagine if you're on the scene, witnessing those massacre every single day for more than a year. Exhausted from running here and there, losing one by one of your family members, friends, neighbors, sometimes someone losing all at once, being a sole survivor, losing limbs, on the edge of hunger every single day. My hardship is nothing if I compare it with theirs. But they remain steadfast, they even do syukr so much better than me. Their iman are on the other level.  I'm so sad that I can't d...