Life these days

I wonder, if I'm with you now, is this life gonna be easier.


Life felt way too hard these days, as if I can't hold myself back together. I always thought life will be easier tomorrow, then I found myself laughing in a tragedy, where actually sadness is all over the place, but hope is in the corner. Again, I never thought if I allowed to cry in front of people. 

Nope, it felt different this time, I kept thinking about what palestinian people said in so many video, "Hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakiil". Cry, hug, telling someone about it might make it easier, but it's not what it is. "you" Are not the answer in this moment, but "Him" Is the actual answer. I think about how my brother not in the position to help me back then. But I also think about how easy I got to the sidewalk, while a life threatening moment could be happened, how coincidentally there were bapak gocar who check on me, how abang² starling pointing out my motor-belt was broken and giving such an advice, how easily my motor was pushed by abang gojek's motor to a technician, I even didn't need to walk my motor, and how kind the technician dan my sister was. 

It's so beautiful to think about how those kind people was sent to me in such situation. Once again that ayah "so, surely in every hardship comes with so many easiness" was proved. As I thought my brother would be my answer, instead Allah knows best what I really need. 

I think again about how my iman was so degraded these days. Allah might give me a hint not to give up on His Rahmah. I'm so far away from ready to face the death anytime. I'm swayed away from the truth, too many bad deeds that I've done. Please make it easier for me to be a better muslim ya Rabb. 

Sometimes I thought "you" will be the answer of my misery. But I might be the problem, I might be the hardship for my parents and other people, and becoming someone else hardship is gonna solve nothing. Again, Allah knows best what I really need. I have no idea what else will I face in the future, but I really hope Allah make it easier for me to become a better muslim. Aamiin. 

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