(Dreamer)

Everything that Allah gave me,  every story that I've been doing,  what I think that was fortunate or unfortunate for myself, All of them happened by Allah approval, All of them had been written in lauhul Mahfudz, even before I exist in this world, So All I can do now is doing my best with what I had, And I need to straighten the intention of all of my activity because of Allah, Because I was sent in this world is to worshipping Allah only

In fact, Im still hesitating I thought I already understood Intention of married need to be based on what Allah wants          Ibadah, dakwah, jadi muslimah yg baik, pasangan yg saling mengingatkan akan kebaikan, belajar bersama, hafalan bersama, belajar sabar dan ikhlas, sama-sama belajar untuk selalu melibatkan Allah disetiap lini kehidupan etc.. Karena kita ada di dunia ini untuk beribadah kepadaNya, bukan hanya dalam sholat, puasa dkk, di setiap aktifitas yg baik jika dilakukan karena Allah akan jadi ibadah *itu yg ane dengar saat kajian*.            Artinya, seharusnya ane ikhlas jika memulai dengan cara yg baik. Apalagi mama ridha, dan menawarkan untuk dikenalkan dengan cara yg baik. Tapi nyatanya, malah kaya menelan ludah sendiri. Dulu, ane selalu bilang, yah nikah sama siapa aja juga jadi asal agamanya bagus. Anung juga bilang, kalo bisa tanya ke tetangganya, suka ketemu ngga pas jama'ah di masjid, khususon shubuh dan isya'....

You know what? Being home 24/7 such a real struggle. Being a job hunter send send send all over to get my dream job, and I-don't-really-want-that-job nearly for a year Been in mother-daughter quarrels for almost every single day I have a rocky head just like her and father, every day I'm struggling not to easily get angry or whatsoever "Don't angry and jannah for you" I failed again and again, but I'm still working on that. ... Being home is what I've been avoided my whole live,  When I was applying for high school I pray to Allah, I wanted to be in boarding school if that would makes me a better person. Because I know, when I'm home I can't be anything. I can't rule my self, I don't know what path I should take. And I don't know how to overcome my and my mother stubbornness And half of my intention of taking college in yogyakarta is my runaway from home ... Long story short, here I am, home again I've been planning this and that, s...

Allah doesn't like love that bigger than love toward Him Second is of course to our prophet (shalallahu'alaihi wa sallam) Third must be parents (I suppose) surga di bawah telapak kaki ibu kan? ... But I think I messed up with the order Sometimes when my iman fall from the cliff That times with low low iman in my heart I get galau so easily, I miss someone, bigger than anything else And my life get so messy, trouble, problem from every direction But the main point is my low state of iman ... I suppose to measure everything with iman What I need to do, my priority All measurement is available in our deen Every decision that I suppose to take And things that need to be prioritized So then, if I want to solve every trouble That might be I'm the one who caused it I need to fix my iman first If I want work properly I need to fix the instrument Although Allah the one who can to fix it I need to pray for it, and do my best So that my desicion is not based fr...

I realized I'm an Ignorant But I'm learning to give sympathy and empathy Although sometimes I can't really understand what and how they feel Sometimes I just don't care about people around me They can do everything they want, and I won't care about it But about bad things that happend to my closest fellow Fear and sadness and unfortunate muslims in this world I need that empathy and sympathy toward them And more importantly, do something useful For them, even just small thing, do whatever I can do Even just a du'a, hopefully I can always remember this