Life is so wierd

You know what?
Being home 24/7 such a real struggle.
Being a job hunter send send send all over to get my dream job, and I-don't-really-want-that-job nearly for a year
Been in mother-daughter quarrels for almost every single day
I have a rocky head just like her and father, every day I'm struggling not to easily get angry or whatsoever

"Don't angry and jannah for you"

I failed again and again, but I'm still working on that.
...

Being home is what I've been avoided my whole live, 
When I was applying for high school I pray to Allah, I wanted to be in boarding school if that would makes me a better person.
Because I know, when I'm home I can't be anything. I can't rule my self, I don't know what path I should take. And I don't know how to overcome my and my mother stubbornness
And half of my intention of taking college in yogyakarta is my runaway from home
...

Long story short, here I am, home again
I've been planning this and that, so maybe I can live my own life somewhere
...

And nope.... Nothing work
I should've tawakkal towards Allah
And see around and think 
What Allah want from me for being home?
Fixing my adab toward my parents perhaps?
...

And now that I trying to ikhlas
Accept every path that Allah wants for me to take
This experience took me a lot of lesson of life
And yup, Allah put me in sabr and ikhlas test, a lot
I've been failing then learn and failing and learn over and over again
I won't give up
...

And you know what?
My sister offering me to stay in Bandung, looking for job there
I know she offered me because my mom told her about my bad habbits these day
But I thought I've been more diligent these day
I know I'm still in fight a lot, but not long from that I tried to be as diligent as I could
...

It's wierd, when I want got away so much
I couldn't figure out a way
But when I tought I slightly can overcome everything here
Allah got me a way to go
...

Bismillah, Oh our Lord give me a best way 
Ya rabb give us in this world which is good, in here after which is good, and keep us away from torment of the fire. aamiin.


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