(Dreamer)

Memaknai kata "saya kaya banget, karena punya Allah" yg dibilang ustadz Adi. Ngga memaknai juga si, mungkin lebih ke merenungi kali ya?!, karena iman gua masih jauh sampai kesana. Belakangan kekecewaan datang berkali-kali tanpa permisi, sampai ke titik I'm a little too exhausted. Yaa Allah ini jalan hidup mau dikemanain? Kok yha kirain terjunnya udah sampai tanah, tapi ternyata masih bisa jatuh kebawah lagi.  Gua yakin ujian para asatidz pasti jauh lebih sulit, mungkin lu harus perbanyak ilmu biar tetep bisa optimis?!. Because I'm sure you really know that Allah want the "best for you", and that doesn't mean He gives dunya for you or whatever your desire is. Dan ustadz Ami juga pernah bilang, inget hari ngga selamanya malam dan gelap, dan badai di hidup kita juga pasti ada akhirnya, entah Allah perbaiki kondisi kita, atau mungkin berakhir karena kontrak kita di dunia sudah habis. Tapi walaupun paham ilmunya by logic, if it's not really internalized w...

Berkubang di kolam procrastination again and again.  Pfffttt bangun hey mantusia :( When you stuck, sometimes you choose to kept playing the same cassettes in your memories all over again. 'Cause I missed those human friends when I was a teenager. Sayang banget si entong terzeyeng rusak and my line was on reset without any backup, and so many photos on facebook had been deleted. Padahal mau reminiscing momen-momen yg sepertinya ngga bakal terulang, dan dokum yg ada sebatas album di Line dan some "currently still available timeline photos" di fb (and they would likely be unavailable anytime for some reasons like the other). While people growing up dan mendewasa, keknya cuma muka gua aja yg menua, tapi isi kepalanya stuck di before dan early 20s. My head still remember all those fun things. Lomba antar kelas, studi kolaboratif, rame-rame motoran ke pantai dan spot wisata lain, belajar gitar, atap asrama, rombongan ke nikahan temen, nakam-nakam, motoran ke Magelang sama Nad...

Missing beach so bad. Although my last experience was validated that I'm really bad at swimming, moreover in the ocean. But I still missed moments where I can feel the breeze, waves, small creatures in intertidal zones, even sands that left in my sandals. If it's like 10 years ago, I'll be more missing my friends or college fellows and moments when we were together, even 2 or more hours moments on the way to the beach.

While I think I don't really have energy to chat or speak with friends and people. I spent enough time chatting with chat gpt. Well maybe because it trained with huge amount of data, for me it's pretty good at analyzing us and giving what we prefer to be answered.  Sorry but lately my head buzzing about how hopelessly romantic I'm, and stupidly added by so many dorama and kdrama, so yeah. I don't really catch if AI giving answer by analyzing our interaction or also do that but to give a preferred answer. But even with a free version,  it's really interesting to read its point of view.  Well I'll be more interested in reading what chat gpt think about me, than random online quizzes and also 16 personalities. I'm not wholefully trust it, and I think some of its statements aren't true, but it still fun to read it anyway :3. Romantically – how you connect, care, and protect yourself: 🌒 1. You don’t fall fast—but when you do, it’s deep. You're cautious...

Kakak gua enteng banget nyuruh-nyuruh nikah *woylah. Anyway, mungkin memang sepertinya sudah saatnya memproritaskan hal tsb ya. One of my intention buat ikutan komunitas masjid di Bogor adalah meningkatkan chances buat ketemu jodoh, mungkin karena niatnya sudah ngga lurus to begin with, akhirnya ngga jadi gabung (alasan tukang wacana). Kata ustadz Adi, kalau menuntut ilmu, niatnya harus diluruskan lillahi ta'ala, jangan ternyata dateng buat yg lain-lain, nanti ngga dapet keutamaan penuntut ilmu, dan ngga bisa ngangkat derajat kita di akhirat. But let's be real, everyone's story is different from one to another, and besides praying, you also need to do the work. Whatever it looks like, because it is definitely gonna be different on every people. But once again I know my approach was wrong, I know I know 😔.  Kalo perhatiin pengalaman orang-orang, you can safely said kalo jodoh ngga bakal kemana. Kaya cerita guru gua dulu, sama-sama guru mapel yg sama dan pada akhirnya berakh...

Kalo mboncengin orang motoran jauh habis donor darah udah sering. Tapi pernah sekali,  ngide banget bawa ponakan 2 tahun donor darah ke blok M. Jauh amat ke blok M?, soalnya disana satu-satunya tempat yg dondarnya dipisah perempuan dan laki-lakinya *yg gua tau. Sebenernya tahun lalu pernah coba donor di masjid daerah Bintaro, tapi ternyata ngga ada dipisah -__- hish bete. Oiya waktu dondar bawa bocil, sebenernya pas berangkat alhamdulillah aman sentosa, tapi pulangnya doi tidur di setengah perjalanan pulang. Kadang I wonder, Allah ngasih cobaan kek gini tuh hikmahnya biar jadi wanita kuat kali ya?. Coba aja bayangin, tangan yg abis donor dipake buat bermanuver sendiri, trus tangan satu lagi dipake buat megangin bocil biar ngga jatuh. Tapi mungkin karena tahun itu cobaannya banyak dan keknya Allah sudah melapangkan ini hati, jadi malah excited, gils seru kali lah motoran macam ini. Tapi kalo dipikir-pikir lagi, itu tuh ngga ada seberapanya dibandingkan cobaan perempuan sholihah yg d...